Oprah Winfrey has unwittingly been labelled the "other woman" as her growing dependence on TV psychologist Dr Phil Mc Graw puts further strain on his already fragile marriage.
Still reeling from the abuse scandal in her South African school — an event she describes as "one of the most devastating experiences of my life" — Oprah has turned to Dr Phil for emotional support.
But the answer is, they've got to come up with a plan that they'll commit to, and have the emotional integrity to stick with that plan. It's not: We need this, we deserve this, we want this. I mean, I grew up really poor, and so did Robin, so we were on a cash basis growing up. Robin: One thing that I think was always very important in our relationship is that when it came to money, just because I didn't work outside the home didn't mean I wasn't contributing to the well-being of the household.
The day we got married, I quit my job and quit school and then I was a stay-at-home mom.
There is nothing wrong with your marriage if you're dealing with bills and kids and the broken garbage disposal and in-laws and work demands. But if you never thought that's what marriage would involve, then you're going to be upset and you're going to think there's something wrong.
With an intuition honed over 30 years of marriage, she knows exactly where her husband is."I'll bet you anything he's sitting in the bar on the other side of the lobby," she says, raising an eyebrow.Don't just spend the money and then say, "Hey, this is what it costs, deal with it." Talk things over beforehand.I ran our household budget, and he really didn't have the first idea about what anything would cost, so we would have ongoing conversations about what I needed to buy, and what he needed to expect. Phil: It's fine for one person to be the money manager, the person who actually pays the bills. I hate it when I meet with a couple and one of them says, "Oh, well, he handles all the bills." Well, you know what? And when you're both aware that the electric bill is going to cost you this month, it'll get a lot easier not to blow on beer that night.It was important that I learn about what sort of husband he wanted to be, and for him to learn what kind of wife I wanted to be, and what kind of mother I wanted to be, how I wanted to live my life as his wife. It's not too late to sit down with your husband and say, "I think we need to come to an understanding about what I can give to you, and what you can give to me, and what we can really expect from each other." That's a whole lot better than walking around resenting each other because you've got unrealistic expectations that aren't being met. If you're trying to get out of debt, you have to be willing to treat everything as expendable.And then we were able to approach it from a point of "How do we want to create this life together? And I think it's important to talk about potential problems while you're in smooth water. Then sit down and say, "OK, here's how much we have, and that leaves discretionary income of X, whether it's a week or 0 a week." If you say you've got a week to spend on groceries, do not wind up spending .